Wednesday, February 16, 2005

mommy hood

there are 2 things i selfishly ask for. 1. to be able to poop. i just want to be able to go sit on the toilet and read a book when it is so necessary. 2. twice or week or so - i would like to spend 10-15 minutes on my hair before work.

my daughter, though, demands otherwise.

milan was out last night so it was just micah and i. after dinner, a dinner fraught with things like the exchange of (me:) "no standing on your chair. sit on your hiney." (micah:) "no, my knees" uttered 37 times and "mommy, i wan __________ (insert any food other than what we were eating)" growing louder with each demand; i needed to go to the bathroom.

so, i grabbed my book and didn't shut the door. usually, micah comes in with me so that she can pester me. but this time she didn't. for 10 minutes prior to me going into the bathroom she had been testing me by repeatedly pretending to touch the computer. so, when all was quiet, i called her name.

here are the steps so that you can recreate this touching exchange in the privacy of your own bathroom:

1. "micah. *child's name*." 2. no response 3. wait about 20 seconds 4. repeat 5. repeat, but *slightly* louder 6. repeat steps 1-5 occasionally dropping in statements such as "answer me, please" or "what are you doing, please?" until the cashier at the supermarket down the street can hear you screaming your child's name, you've dropped "please" and are using "now" and you are *this* close to getting up off the toilet with the damn poop-log dangling from your ass.

that is when my precious darling decided to grace me with her presence (complete with pen marks all over her face). i'd estimate it was 5-7 minutes from the start as i was reading in my book in between screams.

me: "what were you doing, micah?"
her: "playin wit you peter."
me: "excuse me, my *peter*?"
her: "uh-huh"
me: *to self* - hmmm... but milan's not here.... "oh! my computer!"

commence yelling session. baby tucks tail between legs...

so, now i'm on the toilet (almost finished) and she's sitting across from me "watching me". she gets up to touch me and pet me to make things better. i say, not now, micah, i'm still very angry with you. you don't touch my computer, blah, blah, blah... and she cries. yep, i made a 2 and a half year old cry. now, if i could just crush that lousy beer can on my forehead and knock down that old lady with the cane trying to get from her handicapped parking spot to the sidewalk my life's goals will have been met!

this morning, well, what can i say, obviously she wouldn't stop whining and grabbing hold of my pants and reaching for the straightening iron, etc, etc... i did not however, yell. learned that lesson last night.

still, last night i was almost crying while sitting on that toilet knowing my daughter was getting into trouble and flat out ignoring me.

and ps - the link in the title is a good article about the strive of most women to be the "perfect" mother.

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