Monday, April 25, 2005

like father, like daughter

For those of you who don't already know, we rent our house. It's a 2 bedroom and has a small but quaint backyard just big enough for a large, inflatable kiddie pool, a grill and a table with chairs and an umbrella.

There is, however, this horrible thorn bush in the left corner. It doesn't have buds or flowers, just thick leaves and thorns. Big, huge, sharp, menacing, cut a toddler's hand wide open thorns. Now, we could sit here and ask ourselves why in the hell would the owner of a 2-bedroom rental property in a decent school district in a neighborhood full of kids with its very own playground/park/tennis court in walking distance plant a thorn bush. It's not even set up as a barrier or anything; it's "decoration". But, ours is not to question why. Ours is simply to chop it up to smitherings.

I suck, so of course, I don't have a before photo, but you'll just have to use your imagination.

See all that brown dirt? See where the grass begins to grow again at the peak of the shadow? That dirt is grassless because that used to be the area consumed by this massive thorn bush.
Below, is the clips pile. That one branch to the left sticking up high is at the height of the 5 foot fence. So, this pile is like 4 feet high and 6 feet wide. It took me 2 hours and my gloved hands have the thorn scars to prove it - as well as my arms and legs. By the end, Milan was ripping the clippers from my weakened arms threatening, not begging, me to stop.

Now, one of the defining purposes of this post is this ---

My parents have a large driveway. The base of which has a basketball goal and "court". Lining the court are trees (I don't remember what kind.) that grow to about 8 or 10 feet. Every few years, in the spring, my father cuts the living shit out these trees while my mother curses his name to anyone who will listen. "Would you like fries with that?" "Did I tell you what my good-for-nothing husband did to my trees??!!" And, of course, they grow back, but it takes a few years. But I've got her back in saying that look like the victims of a machete attack for quite some time.

Most women fear becoming their mothers but I am clearly turning into my father. If only I liked white undershirts and baseball caps...

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